Ring… ring… ring… ring…!
I looked at a set of wind chimes made out of three short metal tubes and several old coins tied to a plastic ring and hung from a thick piece of string. The swinging pieces struck each other even in the slighted breeze to make pretty sounds. Lu, my elder brother Hai's friend, made it for me as a keepsake.
Ring… ring… ring… ring…!
Another light breeze blew. Through a large window near my bed I could look out at the blue sky and a mass of floating white clouds. 'Why do I have to lie here looking up at the sky and listening to my chimes?' I asked myself. Sheer nonsense! It was all because of a slight cough. One morning I tasted blood oozing in my mouth, warm and salty. My head was spinning. Closing my lips tightly, I rushed into the other room.
Tet was still one week away. My younger brother and his sweetheart, who had just returned from a happy stroll downtown, were quickly by my side. They called an ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital.
'Would the patient lie down on this stretcher, please,' said the nurse.
The three of us stared at one another, smiling. In appearance, we were all healthy, clean and lively. She couldn't tell which one of us was the patient.
'That's me,' I said loudly as I mounted the stretcher.
My lungs were X-rayed and appeared quite normal. However, the doctors decided I needed an MRI. I soon found myself lying supine under the MRI machine. With my eyes closed, my body felt like it was gliding smoothly to and fro. I followed the technician's cold directions to breath slowly in and out. After a few minutes, everything was over.
When I was taken to the patient room, I found myself lying beside some pale, skinny and contagious patients whose coughing and spitting made me tremble with fear. Outside, it was quite dark. I turned over in a rusty old bed which creaked under my weight. 'd surely get sick here even if I were healthy,' I thought to myself. Strangely enough, yesterday I felt very well as I was shopping for a new motorbike.
The streets and shops as we came to the end of the lunar year seemed to be even more bustling than ever.
Fifty million dong and a luxury motorbike! This great bonus was offered to me on the condition that I would work for a well known company for at least three years. If I accepted, I would be able to arrive at my new prestigious office every day on a luxurious motorbike. I could even loiter along the streets that my former colleagues liked to frequent. That would certainly make them green with envy and my old company would regret letting me go. Anyhow, I had worked for that crazy company for more than six years! I had shared its ups and downs for a long time and signed an indefinite employment contract but there was still no job security.
All of a sudden, I felt a stinging pain in my chest.
'It's nothing serious! Everything will be okay,' said Lu, the dearest friend of my elder brother Hai. 'You're quite all right. Just a little trouble!' he consoled me further, smiling with half-closed eyes on his moon-shaped face. He was visiting me in the hospital. At the age of forty he had a slow gait and a round beer belly. He was always cautious with his actions. That was the reason why it took him two days to visit me at the hospital. Procrastination was one of his bad habits. 'Don't worry, I'm sure the problem is not pressing,' he always advised me, although I had told him I was here because blood had oozed out of my mouth. Saying nothing, he just tidied my bedsheet then looked out the window.
'Are you going to celebrate Tet? It's only a few days away! The streets are huddled with shoppers,' he remarked.
'Would you mind asking my doctor to let me leave?' I entreated tearfully. 'I really don't want to stay here during Tet,' I added.
'You won't have to stay here that long. You'll be discharged right away. There are only a few unfinished tests to be made,' he said.
Lu placed his right hand on my forehead. 'So how about your plans to buy a motorbike?' he asked me. Some of the shop owners asked me ‘Where's your pretty girlfriend?'
Turning around, I smiled. Then I told him about the motorbike bonus.
'In exchange for three years' bondage?'
Honestly, his lukewarm behaviour bored me. He seemed to be implying that I was not wise enough.
'I've been recommended for a job that pays three thousand dollars a month. But the office is very far away so I requested a car to get there and back,' I said.
'What about the employer? What do they request from you?'
'My brain.'
'Really? Yes, I once heard my brain is equally as valuable.'
'His sarcasm is so boring! Surely no girl would ever be able to stand his eccentricities, especially now that he's over forty,' I though to myself. I did not want to argue with him. We were poles apart and we each followed our own path.
Nevertheless, time and again I sought him out when I was in trouble. He was a good listener. He gave me impractical advice which I accepted indifferently. Both of us knew that it wasn't the advice that mattered and that we simply needed each other to ease our stress. When we left our meetings we didn't have anything serious on our minds.
I remembered the day my brother Hai followed his wife's family to settle down abroad: he told Lu, 'I leave her in your custody.'
'OK, I'll support her properly,' Lu answered in high spirits. Both of them burst into laughter.
'Look out! She might belong to another young man,' Hai warned him. In those days, as an innocent student, I was embarrassed and offered a blushing smile. I was actually not interested in him, in part because he was short and clumsy with a big belly and partly because he didn't seem distinguished, although he was a skilful paediatrician with his own clinic. Infants could frequently be heard crying from his examining room. He just smiled as he touched their foreheads or bellies with his stethoscope. He only earned a few thousand dong from each patient, but he was satisfied with that.
'Is life so simple? Anyhow, such a paltry income is unacceptable. I need to earn at least a few thousand dollars per month,' I said to myself.
Every morning, I arrived sharply dressed at my office in a tower. Its shiny glass door opened automatically in front of me, then a lift full of sweet-smelling expensive perfumes took me to my floor. It was the perfect atmosphere for me, I was like a fish that needed water. To be perfectly frank, I was admired not only for my beauty but also because of my intelligence and power. 'Yes, it is power, an intangible adorning thing, that assesses the value of every person,' said my boss Dang one day.
Ring… ring… ring… ring…
The wind chime resounded again. The old coins and short metal tubes spun around in circles in the morning light. I looked up. The music reminded me of the clear laughter outside. I was finally released from my trance by a light scratch in my throat. One of my tiny veins had broken.
'Your maternal grandfather suffered from the same disorder,' Mum told me. Consequently, after Tet she forced me to re-arrange my work schedule in order to go with Auntie Ba to this remote corner for my convalescence. 'Goodbye my dear city,' I said in sorrow.
I remembered the day Dang and I rode his Air Blade motorbike quickly along the crowded streets. He was the type of youth that I was badly in need of. Both of us were always in harmony in terms of career and private life. I admired him and learnt a lot from him, although sometimes I heard horrible things about him such as 'He's quite low!' or 'What a cad!' I also admired him for his determination. Many people believed we were a really well-matched couple. When we met he was already engaged to another woman but were unexpectedly engulfed in affection for each other in defiance of his ex-sweetheart. Over the past four years, he had not dealt with his engagement although he did not ask for my hand in marriage. But I believed that I had control over him in the matter of love.
Dang owned a plot of land near Phu My Hung. Many evenings he drove me there on his motorbike along the wide roads lined with leafy trees and huddled with luxury cars. It was indeed the world of my dreams. Standing in front of his lot, surrounded by costly villas, I told him, 'There is a car in front of every house here, you see.' He just looked ahead and said dreamily, 'We'll have the same.' His words made me very happy because I believed they represented his word of honour for our future.
As an intelligent and sensitive man, he must have known that my life belonged to him he would need my help to pursue his career. That we would live happily forever.
***
'The post I wanted as Head of Department went to another candidate,' Lu told me sadly when he came to visit.
'It's no wonder! You're always losing something,' I said sarcastically. From the bottom of my heart, I knew that he would never become a leader even though he possessed high professional skills and superb morals.
When he graduated from the University of Medicine as a paediatrician on probation, I admired him very much and willingly offered him my tender heart, which I was sure that he was well aware of. But his behaviour was always friendly, nothing more.
'Out of sight, out of mind!' This proverb rings true in our case. Work separated us in different directions. I eagerly embarked upon my career. Of course, when I was young I made some minor mistakes with puppy love. Occasionally, I dropped in on him. We sat on his flat roof covered with dwarf trees and numerous small stones mimicking miniature mountains and contemplated its beautiful scenery for hours. It was there that I told him stories about all of my ups and downs. Once while I was recounting the story about Dang, he stared at me in doubt and surprise. I bent my head in shame. Maybe Lu realised that it was my first real love affair. Since that day I haven't talked much about Dang.
***
Dang gave up his job to open a new company of his own, which was a real surprise to me. Hearing the news, Lu stared at me seriously in warning.
'What about you?' he asked me.
'It doesn't really matter for me because I've got my own career,' I replied resolutely. After losing Dang, I had to brave a new director. As a general rule, a new boss always needed a willing and loyal new team. My hands were now always full with trivial things. I finally quit my job after going to dozens of interviews.
My elder brother Hai made a sudden trip home to attend the funeral of one of his wife's close relatives.
Lu took us to a nearby cafe. I relaxed myself in a rocking-chair, silently watching clusters of purple flowers sway lightly in the wind. These free minutes were indeed very rare, for at my new corporation, I was busy all day every day with meeting clients, writing reports, preparing for business trips to Hanoi, Da Lat, Nha Trang, even to Singapore and the Philippines. I felt extremely weary.
'Endurance and re-adjustment,' was my motto. Suddenly, my brother Hai pointed at me and whispered something to Lu. Lu nodded his head. 'Now I realise that I've taken the wrong path,' he told my brother. They burst into laughter.
***
The paths criss-crossing the Phu My Hung residential area were shaded with green canopies. Again my arms went around Dang. We had not seen each other for a long time because we were busy at work in our new companies. Many nights I found his chatroom name sparkling on my PC, but when I sent him a message there was no reply. Maybe he was having trouble at work, although I knew he was quite capable of managing anything that came up. After nearly seven months, I had the impression that we might not be together anymore.
We left the city centre to reach the new urban areas. Our motorbike slowly meandered here and there. It was rather cold by the end of the year. A sudden tremble shuddered through me so he stopped at a small roadside restaurant. We sat in the open air at a plain wooden table. 'Coming all the way to this wealthy and elegant residential area just for a simple bowl of crab noodles?' I asked myself. He told me that he had not eaten this type of soup in a long time and that he missed this kind of food very much.
'Sometimes it's a pleasure to change our food habits,' I told him. The deserted street outside was swept by a strong wind. Abruptly, he stared at me.
'Next year, I'll have a new house built in the Phu My Hung area. The plans have already been drawn up,' he told me.
I was totally astonished. What had happened to him?
'It's high time for me to settle down. You seem to be very interested in this area, aren't you? Let me suggest a nice plot of land to you, it's just a few metres away from mine. We could be good neighbours in the future,' he said.
I was in despair. An expensive car passed by slowly and parked near us.
'Are you going to purchase the car of your dreams?' I asked him.
'That depends on my finances.'
Leaning back in his chair, he looked at me. I also stared at him in bewilderment.
'Everything must end, my dear,' he insisted.
I stood up to wash my hands. When I returned I stood by his side. He squeezed my shoulders tightly. I felt as if I was a dying tree just before turning into a dry log. He gradually loosened his arm and put his face close to mine.
'People like us can overcome anything, my dear,' he consoled me. I walked by his side throughout that dark and deserted night.
***
I was still fully conscious when I was rushed into the emergency room.
One week later, I was discharged from the hospital and returned to my office to a pile of unfinished work. I worked hard to satisfy both my colleagues and my boss.
I wandered through fashion shops and motorbike showrooms. A strange vitality, passionate and ardent, rose up violently inside me.
I went to hospital again after spitting a little blood. I told my family to keep it secret, except for one of my closest friends. When she visited me in the clinic, she just stared at me without saying a word. I evaded her glances. Once I mentioned Dang and the smiles of the famous film character Rhett Butler, but she only smiled sarcastically.
When Lu dropped in on me his only remark was: 'Actually, there's nothing seriously wrong with you.'
I stayed there for the whole week. Most of the other patients in my room left, one after another, to return home in order to celebrate Tet. This extremely important date was only a few days away. Meanwhile, I was kept back for further tests thanks to the zeal of Le's friend, the head of my emergency department.
On the eve of Tet, Lu came to the hospital to visit me.
'Let's go home. Your treating physician says that your illness was merely caused by the weather, that's all.'
He led me to the coach station.
After that, I didn't receive any letters, messages or phone calls from him. All I had was the wind chime. At first I hung it high for the sake of its queer and joyful sounds and I gradually found that the sounds were pleasing and put my mind quite at ease.
I sat down on a smooth rock by the roadside. Spreading out my hands, I welcomed the feel of the sun's rays. Several gusts of wind kept chasing after one another to the end of the road. I looked at the immense blue sky and vaguely heard the music of my wind bell, which seemed to be recollecting the familiar oft-recurring name Ngo Phong Lu.
By Ngo Thi Y Nhi
Translated by Van Minh
